Person in the Mirror

Reflections on the life of Weejars

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Reflections on 2013

Christmas and New Years always provokes a time of reflection and contemplation on the year that has been. I’ve been a little quiet on the blogging front of late (life gets in the way, you know how it goes). However, what interesting reading it has been going back to where I was at emotionally and mentally this time last year. What a difference 12 months makes…

My grumpy, grinch like post bemoaning my yuletide blues in 2012 could not have been more contrasting to my Christmas experience in 2013. For the first time in years, I felt like my Christmas was ‘real’ again. There was (almost) the same magic from my childhood surrounding my day. A day that was spent without fighting, drama, bitching and carry on. I felt a sense of family and togetherness with my new family (in-laws) that has been left wanting in my own Weejar’s family. And though I know it would sadden my mother to know, I felt a sense of relief from not having to deal with the typical shite of the blood ties that bind. Being the oldest, I shoulder the burden of our dysfunctional family relationships and have all but given up trying to  be the peace maker. I am too disillusioned and left bereft of care to keep trying where there is no reciprocation. I can honestly say, Christmas this year was LOVELY. Just lovely indeed.

On the eve of the eve of a new year, it is with great sadness that I get set to farewell 2013. This has been the year that has turned my world around. A year free from miscarriage (albeit I still have no children but I think that may be my destiny), a year where I got not only engaged but also married, increased periods of time where I don’t suffer from extreme health anxiety and panic attacks. A year where I actually enjoyed my life and remembered that life is good – a year without the heaviness of grief and guilt.

Last year I could not wait to say bye bye to 2012. This year though, I want to hang onto the wonderful year that’s been. I am not ready to say goodbye for it truly was joyful and happy for me. I am scared 2014 will disappoint. Afterall, 2013 is one tough act to follow…