FB stalking. Why do we do we do it?
We all do it – some admit to it more than others – but there is something obsessive and compulsive in the most rational of us that insists on looking back and seeing what our ‘past’ is “up to”
It serves no purpose. It makes us feel shit. It brings on a sadness, an inadequacy, that is self induced.
I am divorced. The day I left my ex-husband, I left behind my ‘in-law’ family whom I dearly loved and cared for. Seven years on, my ex is remarried, two kids and seemingly very happy. Me, on the other hand, not married, no kids and stuck in a cycle of anxiety and panic. This was not how things were meant to be! I left him, in search of a ‘better life’ and he is the one who comes out on top?! Wtf?! Times 1000. How does this happen?!
I left him. I knew what I wanted but instead of things being easy, it seems all the life’s lessons have been learnt by me rather than he who was deserving. And as for his extended family, they have all landed on their feet too. How the f*ck does this injustice happen. Don’t get me wrong. I’m on a good wicket…now.
Engaged, to be married in September, but after two miscarriages and significant anxiety and panic disorder, I can’t help but feel I have drawn the short straw in the karma stakes. How do these piece of s&*t people and their offspring prosper when I struggle and battle just in the name of happiness?! It doesn’t seem fair.
I try to be a good person. I endeavour to do no harm. Yet, still, after all these years, I am the fucking joker in the game of life.
I ask you, what is the point?!
Why be a good person?
Why put others first?
Because when you try to aim for happiness, life shits all over you. Year after year…