I think about dying at least 10 times a day.
I’ll be busy going about my business and all of a sudden, wham! It hits me. I could DIE any second. I could literally, drop dead, at any time. Bam. Just like that. Who knows where? Who knows when? And who knows what the hell I may be doing when it happens (hopefully nothing embarrassing like sitting on the loo or um, heaven forbid, the middle of a more intimate situation!)
And believe it or not, that’s the good scenario!
I would much rather ‘go’ in an instant (and hence not really know about it) than linger on and on with some hideous illness, knowing that my death is imminent.
One might argue that knowing you are going to die would give you an opportunity to seek peace and let your loved ones know how you feel about them. And what your wishes are.
I think I would turn into a basketcase from the anxiety and fear, long before I could do that.
I suffer from terrible health anxiety as it is. Every twinge, spasm, growth, lump and bump, must surely be a heart attack/stroke/cancer or some other death sentence out to get me. It’s exhausting. And my line of work doesn’t help matters! I see the very worst of the human condition – there are SO MANY things that can go wrong!
I’ve been enduring a mild-ish ongoing panic attack about dying for over 6 months now. I’ve worked out some strategies to on the whole, keep it at bay, but sometimes, the fear just consumes me.
I wish I could turn off the switch and just go back to my happy-go-lucky, fear-of-death free existence. It’s no way to live with a shadow over your days. I guess the only consolation is that, inevitably, death is something we must all face. It is the only constant. Acceptance of that may just help me dispel the fear…