Person in the Mirror

Reflections on the life of Weejars


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Baseline

So, my anxiety is back. Annoying.
It’s like a switch that gets turned off and on, but I’m not the one in control of it.
It’s simple a matter of waking up some days and BOOM! Punch to the gut, ‘you need to worry about ….this and that and everything!

It’s a baseline rhythm running constantly in the melody of my life. And sometimes it drowns out the rest of the music.

So instead of ruminating on things, or worse, googling to try and self-diagnose whatever I decide is wrong with me today, I got up and went for a walk. Being Easter, we are away for the weekend so I had some beautiful surrounds to immerse myself in and strive for distraction. And it worked. I got so into the rhythm of walking, breathing and focusing on one foot after the other that I managed to alleviate some of the twisted knot permanently wedged in my stomach. It’s back now that I’ve started writing this, but I feel proud for ‘dealing with it‘ instead of allowing it to totally consume me and ruin my day.

While I was out and about, I walked past churches filled with people attending Easter Sunday masses/services and a Christian rock concert in the park. I got to wondering if perhaps my anxiety stems from a lack of belief. I have (a little) faith but I’m not a church going, religious folk. And maybe that is part of the problem. My health anxiety is a physical reaction to a lack of spiritual nourishment? The panic and fear of dying, so strong because I don’t have conviction about the safety of my soul after this life? Food for thought anyway…


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Unwanted company

You know when you go for a walk? Take in some fresh air, enjoy some thinking time, appreciate nature, listen to the wildlife symphony etc etc.

And then you find you have some unwanted company.

Now, I’m not talking about the human variety. Or even the animal variety. I’m referring to the diptera variety.
That’s right.
Flies.
A Summer special in Australia!

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There is nothing more annoying than the insistent buzzing, swooping and crawling activity of the ‘cling-on’ fly. It’s irritating, distracting, infuriating. And my question is, why? Why do they persist in accompanying us, gleefully returning mere seconds after being shoo’d away? Are they that socially awkward?

Maybe it’s the body heat and sweat. Catnip for flies?
The tickling sensation as they move across your skin, invade your nostrils and ears, leave you feeling violated and exposed.

And is it always the same fly along for the duration? Or are they tag teaming it? Perhaps some kind of bizarre fly terrorist regime? I’ve seen those clusters of flies hitch hiking on unsuspecting victim’s backs!

Whatever their motives, they sure know how to spoil a nice walk.
Maybe I need to invest in an uber cool, cork hat? Or fly swat? Fair dinkum Aussie icons.
But in the meantime, I say ‘SHOO FLY

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Tonic for the soul

Nothing beats getting up early. Except for the getting up early bit. That’s tough! But when you can break through the brain barrier (just five more mins in bed…come on, it’s so much nicer here under the warm duvet) and mosey on out of bed, it truly IS worth it…

Before the sun peeks over the horizon at the break of day, is the perfect time to go for a walk. There is a certain smell – a freshness, an earthiness that disappears once the ground and foliage feel the rays of the sun. It’s a damp, dewy heaven that tantalises the nostrils and invigorates the mind. It excites my senses and its coolness, teases my still sleepy body into life.

I used to walk with my iPod…but I have recently given this away because I realised I am actually missing out. There is a cacophony of sounds, the hustle and bustle of background noise that we never notice. Tuning into the sounds around me, is like a meditation and I’ve decided, there is nothing more beautiful than a magpie warbling. They have so many variations and it’s such a pretty sound for such an ugly bird (trust me, I’ve been swooped enough times in Spring for me to develop quite a strong loathing for this creature but I have a grudging admiration for their vocal talents). I love watching them tilt their head back, open their beaks and sing sing sing.

There is also something magical about being up and about before anyone else. You feel that all the foibles of yesterday are forgotten in the blanket of night. The dawn of a new day, brings a fresh start and you feel anything is possible….tonic for the soul.

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