Person in the Mirror

Reflections on the life of Weejars


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Tears for Jill

There is not an Australian around who by now, does not know of Jill Meagher’s rape and murder last weekend in Melbourne. I was moved to tears today by the images today of thousands of strangers who have placed flowers and tributes for Jill at her last known whereabouts and wept alongside her husband, family and friends at the senseless loss of this beautiful life. Taken by a known and repeat sex offender who was released from prison over ten years ago.

I think what so many of us find so terribly distressing about this tragic event, is that it could so easily have been one of us. It has resonated with us all as our basic sense of freedom has been threatened. I myself, have walked home alone and after dark down Sydney Rd countless times. Just like Jill. I have always considered Melbourne ‘safe’ and the other revellers I encounter in the wee hours of the morning, nothing more than harmless benevolent drunks. I have never felt worried about making my own way home alone and wandered the streets without so much as a backward glance. Women everywhere will now be looking over our shoulders. Our innocence has been shattered and our basic rights, violated in the most unspeakable way.

I feel an overwhelming sadness and despair for Jill and what she must have gone through in the last moments before she died. Her dignity, right to life and bright future, destroyed. Why? What possesses another human being to do that to someone? I cannot fathom the type of evil that must exist inside a person to take another’s most precious gift away simply for their own gratification.

But also I am incredibly angry about this. I am angry that the accused is a repeat, convicted rapist. What was he even doing free on the streets?
I am angry that the police failed to take seriously numerous, prior attempts by this person, as reported by women in the area in the weeks leading up to Jill’s murder.
I am angry that publicly through the media, Jill herself has been blamed. She should have known better walking down that street alone. She was drunk and probably asking for it. Asking to be raped? I don’t think so. Asking to die? Not likely. This ‘victim blaming’ makes me mad because she was engaging in an activity she believed to be safe! Otherwise she wouldn’t have put herself in the situation in the first place.
I am angry that Jill has been robbed of her future. Her poor husband never to see her again. To never have the opportunity to be a mother.
I am angry that women everywhere, are subjected daily to varying degrees of unwanted attention and that it is rarely taken seriously.
I am angry that this will continue to happen. Everyday.

Life Saving Advice for Women

RIP Jill. I am so sorry for the unspeakable things that happened to you and that your life was taken because of this vile excuse of a human being. Your death has not been in vain – thousands will remember you and strive to make sure justice is served. May God hold you in his hand, safe from harm forevermore.

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3 things – Sunday 30 September 2012

* Lazy Sunday afternoons. Sitting on the couch, watching reruns of The Simpsons and eating crap food. There’s plenty of work to be done around the house but sometimes you just want to veg out and it’s great to be able to accommodate this occasional laziness and take time out.
* Online shopping. Whilst I’m in the vein of being lazy…Want or need something and can’t be bothered leaving the house? Hey presto! Instant gratification with eBay, PayPal and the like. Love it!
* Receiving mail that’s not bills. Although this, suspiciously, may be connected to the online shopping, and therefore self-generated, there is something exciting about receiving a parcel in the post. Plus the postie will think you’re popular and have lots of friends.

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3 things – Saturday 29 September 2012

* Grand Final Day. The last Saturday in September is a special day for us Victorians. Getting together with mates, a few beers, burger and a BBQ watching the battle for the ultimate prize in the the great game. The one day people put aside their loyalties to their own teams who haven’t made it and just enjoy a fabulous contest. Rain, hail or shine, it’s always a ripper of a day!
* Friends. What would grand final day be without friends? The people you share it with are almost as important as the match itself.
* Sydney Swans. I’m so glad they made it to the final as they have the best chance of any team in the comp at whooping those Hawks arses. Go Swannies!!!


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3 things – Friday 28 September 2012

* Acupuncture. It’s so relaxing and calming and I really feel it works.
* Good professionals. I have been working on a partnership project recently and the other worker is a true professional. It is both refreshing and rewarding to work with someone with integrity.
* Chilli chicken linguine. It’s so yummy and makes my mouth sing 🙂


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‘Days’ by the Kinks

Thank you for the days,
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me.
I’m thinking of the days,
I won’t forget a single day, believe me.

I bless the light,
I bless the light that lights on you believe me.
And though you’re gone,
You’re with me every single day, believe me.

Days I’ll remember all my life,
Days when you can’t see wrong from right.
You took my life,
But then I knew that very soon you’d leave me,
But it’s all right,
Now I’m not frightened of this world, believe me.

I wish today could be tomorrow,
The night is dark,
It just brings sorrow anyway.

Thank you for the days,
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me.
Im thinking of the days,
I wont forget a single day, believe me.

Days I’ll remember all my life,
Days when you can’t see wrong from right.
You took my life,
But then I knew that very soon you’d leave me,
But it’s all right,
Now I’m not frightened of this world, believe me.
Days.

Thank you for the days,
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me.
I’m thinking of the days,
I won’t forget a single day, believe me.

I bless the light,
I bless the light that shines on you believe me.
And though you’re gone,
You’re with me every single day, believe me.
Days.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/k/kinks/days_20079252.html ]


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Nightmare is a noun

night·mare/ˈnītˌme(ə)r/
Noun:
A frightening or unpleasant dream.
A terrifying or very unpleasant experience or prospect.
Synonyms:
incubus

When defined, the term ‘nightmare’ doesn’t seem so bad. ‘Unpleasant’ suggests something brief and tolerable. ‘Frightening’ implies a mere scare that passes quickly. In fact the only word that does it any justice is ‘terrifying’.
Oh yes, now we’re getting closer.

How about adding: chilling, dismaying, horrifying, intimidating, paralyzing, petrifying, shocking? Hmm, yes, nightmares encompass all of these feelings. Well, mine do anyway.

Many people claim they do not dream. Or perhaps more accurately, they don’t remember their dreams. Lucky them. I wish I could say the same. I have always had vivid, strange dreams that often leave me exhausted upon waking.

Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Well then, I must be wonderfully, amazingly, fantastically ‘aware’ if this is the qualification for it!

And though I mock, I feel there is an element of truth to Gandhi’s quote in that he places on no value judgement on whether great awareness is a good or bad thing. If fact, it makes sense that I would have terrible nightmares as I dohave great awareness. I am very aware of all my flaws, my past mistakes, my shortcomings as a human being. And I get to relive these in my dreams. Night after night. Sometimes knowledge is not a good thing.

When I am awake, I can push this awareness to the back of my mind. I can put strategies in place to quell the anxiety and panic or take action to alleviate the depression that rears its head from time to time. My mental armour is in place, and most days, I make it through just fine.

Unfortunately, when we sleep, the mental defences come down and all those thoughts, fears and feelings we have put in a box during the day, suddenly emerge, reigning free through our subconscious. These, of course, manifest themselves as our dreams and so the torment plays out, unfettered by our rational self.

I think it is little wonder that most days, I wake with anxiety or in the midst of a full blown panic attack. And there is nothing I can do about it because it is all happening in my sleep before I am conscious enough to deal with it.

Consciousness is nature’s nightmare. ~ Emile M. Cioran

Emile is right. Through consciousness, I am able to manage the ‘symptoms’ of my condition. Which equates to managing the battle that is, being me. But nature always wins in the end – because it ensures I have the nightmares at night to compensate for being aware through the day. Either way I am forced to deal with my ‘issues’, over and over again. Sometimes I feel I am living my life on loop. I’m so tired and I just want to sleep. Real sleep without the dreams…


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3 things – Tuesday 25 September 2012

* I don’t have skin cancer!!! Woo hoo! The two moles I had excised from my back last week have come back benign!!!! I received the all clear with the pathology results this morning! I cannot tell you the enormous relief I feel, knowing all is ok!!! This has certainly been a wake up call and I will be more vigilant having my skin checked from now on. I truly appreciate the one epidermis I own!

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* Sickies. Every Australian worker’s right. What better reason than an impromptu visit from a dear friend to suddenly ‘develop’ a 24hr headache, sniffle or tummy bug? All work and no play and all that. It’s about priorities 😀
* Unexpected thanks. Whilst chatting with a couple of clients the other day, I was both surprised and humbled by their heartfelt gratitude and thanks for all that I do to support them. Reminds me why I hang in there with my job (better not tell them about the sickie then!)